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You’re at the mercy of your body when you’re a voice actor.
Your stomach might rumble in the middle of a golden take. You might hiccup. Hayfever might render you a wet mess at any moment. There’s an ever-present risk of sneezing and your sinuses can unanticipatedly, blatantly revolt.
This happened to me last week.
It began with face-ache and a creeping inability to execute broadcast-ready nasal consonants. It ended with me sounding like a swamp-creature with a face like a slab of clammy dough.
When you’re a voice actor you have to push through this stuff and use all the techniques in your kitbag to sound a) human and b) audible.
Sometimes you have to tell your clients they really really shouldn’t have you voicing their scripts until you sound better.
Sometimes your clients insist it’ll all be OK and not to worry too much.
Sometimes, against your better judgement, you believe them.
This happened to me years ago when I was new to the job. I had a bad cold and sounded half dead. I was booked to read a TV commercial and I felt I had no option but to ring the client to tell them my voice was in no fit state to be let loose on television.
“Listen to the state of me,” I said. “I sound like a zombie.”
“You sound fine!” insisted the client. “I’ll see you at the studio in an hour.”
Ruefully, I dosed myself up with quackery and rocked up to the studio, nose running, eyes streaming.
I was a biohazard.
The client recoiled a bit when he saw me but remained relentlessly cheerful.
“This commercial is going to be great!” he said.
Reader, it wasn’t great. It was terrible.
The ad was for The North West Knitting and Needlecraft Exhibition 1999.
Try saying that with dicky sinuses.
When I saw the ad on telly, all I could hear was “The Dorth West Ditting and Deedlecraft Exhibitiod didedty didedty dide.”
Awful.
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